When Egos Come to Play

There is room for collaborative relationships in just about any aspect of business. Today, we have so many avenues for working together to solve problems that we really cannot blame the system when things go wrong.

When things go wrong it is usually because someone was unable to leave their ego at the door.  An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth and away we go - into a spin that will gain the organization nothing, nothing at all.

Now, I am all for standing your ground, owning your position, doing what you can for what's right. Unfortunately, it all goes south when "what's right" is replaced by "what's in it for me." Ego bearers  clearly don't get it and, in a word, they can be toxic. 

Pick any relationship in an organization. I pick the labor-management relationship. Probably much to my union president's chagrin, I say that it is easier to be a union official than a management official. Management is responsible to make sure things are done right and the reality is that on any given day, at any given moment, there will be someone doing something wrong.  Some things the union chooses to pursue and some things they don't.

How does a union official decide what to address? Well, I asked one today and do you know what he said? He said that it depends on who he trusts. Replace the labor-management relationship with your collaborative relationship of choice and the answer will be the same. Trust begets trust. When egos come to play, trust is lost.

If you really are in it to do what's right, leave your ego at the door. If not, find another game to play. You are not much fun at all.

Scathing Email? Disengage

There are things that are fun and then there are things that are not. Being on the receiving end of a scathing email is most definitely one of the "nots."

Ever wonder why this occurs? I do. While my own personal opinion (read: rant and rave) may be of interest to some, it would not offer much in the way of constructive reasons. Instead, I would like to refer you to Will Schwalbe's post on Brazen Careerist,  Send: Why Good People Send Savage Emails. Will offers some excellent points and one that I found insightful was the result of a study that concluded that the pain we receive seems more painful than the pain we produce. 

Knowing this can provide you with a healthy perspective when a scathing email arrives in your mailbox. You know how it goes. . . your heart is racing, hands shaking, and you are literally ready to pounce. What do you do?! Responding to these messages in kind is a lose-lose situation and any pleasure you may feel as you hit the send bottom and think, "I'll show you" will be short lived. As Will points out, in responding, you may be as responsible for the escalation as the other party.

So what do you do? You disengage. You put your hands in the air, step away from the keyboard and head for the nearest box of chocolate or your vice of choice. When you come back to the keyboard, select the email, and hit DELETE.

Still thinking about responding to that email? Don't, it really is not worth it in the end. You are better than that.