Quit Standing Beside Your Power

Listen up.

Do you routinely defer the floor to others before you are finished? Giggle when nervous or, worse yet, laugh uncontrollably? End your statements with a lingering request for support? Do you work to be seen as the always-agreeable-can-get-along-with-anyone person on the team? Start your recommendations with qualifiers such as, "I am not sure you are going to like this idea, but." Not ask all of your questions because you feel you may have taken up too much meeting time already? Do you do any variations of the above on a regular basis?

Yes? Well, stop that right now.

When communicating, be prepared and be professional. Articulate your position and state the reasons why. Don't soften a message that needs to be heard and don't think for a minute that you deserve any less respect than the person sitting next to you.

Quit standing beside your power and step into it. Now.

Can A Leader Recover From Even the Most Reactive Comments?

The family went to dinner last week and ran into a previous supervisor of mine. We exchanged pleasantries, updated each other on family happenings (many grandchildren for him, Bill's heart surgery for us) and had a nice conversation.

Whenever I think of this one supervisor, I always come back to a meeting a few years back. In an unguarded, very frustrating moment, he let loose with a reactive, in-your-face, less than 20 word comment about his management team. I was part of his management team and we were all in the room.

The comment was a suck-the-air-out-of-the-room-did-I-say-that-out-loud kind of comment. It was an I-do- not-have-to-take-this-I-am-quitting-on-Monday-drive-home-through-the-tears kind of comment. I didn't quit on Monday and, after some (healing) time, realized that I had forgotten whose sandbox I was playing in. I was doing what I thought needed to be done and not what my boss wanted me to do. 

Life went on, I eventually left the company and we run into each other periodically. We always have pleasant conversations, yet each and every time I see him, that one meeting comes back to me. In that meeting, he lost some ground with me and I am not sure he will ever completely recover from that in my eyes. (Yes, this is all about me!)

As I move through my day, I have a fear that I will speak something that I am unable to recover from.  Fear may actually be too strong of a word, it is a more of a strong awareness or constant consciousness.  I know that what I say (or not say) and how I choose to say it (or not say it) can impact others either negatively or positively. This awareness causes me stop, think, and breathe - and not talk - when I am upset.

The big question for me now is, am I not saying what needs to be said, when it needs to be said, so that it is heard?

I wonder.