As I pack my bag for a swim meet weekend I realize that if I play my technology, books and work projects right, I may not have to engage in any conversation I don't want to. I am not anti-social. I just don't do well in forced social situations.

I used to feel guilty about not getting excited about over the top celebrations, being utterly content with small gatherings of close friends and "settling" for a quiet dinner on my birthday. Surprise parties, vacation cruises and extravagant jewelry bought to mark a milestone are not important to me. Oh, I'll take them but they'll mean more to me if they are given out love, interest or desire and not simply because of a social ritual (click for link.)

I am not denouncing social rituals across the board. There are ones that reach out and grab me but there are others I can simply do without.

I love that my husband asked me to marry him in a rowboat on the Eibsee at the base of the Zugspitze (click for link) and had a ring to back it up. I love the markets, the lights, the festivities of Christmas Eve and waking up at home on Christmas morning. I love being beside my daughter each night until she falls asleep (or I fall asleep first).

The ritual of hauling the clan from house to house on Thanksgiving to eat turkey or on December 25 to eat ham because the calendar says were are supposed to, I can do without. Who has time for family drama because you couldn't make it to a baby or wedding shower or mailed a birthday card out late?

Fortunately, this weekend's swim meet conversations are not forced and I enjoy them immensely. After 5 hours, however, I am ready to revert to my homebody ways and stick my nose in a book, my Google Reader or a round of Word with Friends.

And I do.

I pull posts from my archives each week. This week, rather than searching for a post on a specific topic, I took another approach. My daughter is 12 years old so I went 12 pages back in my history and selected the post at the top of the page. We're flashing back to women's networks in the workplace.

I am a woman, I seek out books and blogs written by women, I am coached by a woman, and I am one of three founding members of the very cool, soon-to-be-released Women of HR website.

So, why does the idea of a women's network in the workplace make me uneasy?

A Sum of My Experiences

I listened closely last month during the Women's Leadership Conference as panel members discussed women's networks. One senior woman leader stated she declined to participate in the women's network because, "she was not a victim." This stopped me in my tracks with a flicker of recognition. Wow.

Flashback to 1985 to me as a brand new second lieutenant looking to make a name for myself. I was highly encouraged to join a women's network by my battalion commander. That network was the officer's wives club. Good intentions and gender aside, I had little in common with this group.

Flashback to early 1990s to me reporting into a new unit. My commander held the door for me, offered me his seat, and, clearly uncomfortable, asked if he could make me some coffee. Tucking away this little power of balance nugget, I assured him I was more capable than most of the men in his unit. We took it to the pistol range. Girl out shoots boy. Case closed.

The women's networks of 2010 are very different from the officer wives clubs of 1985, yet they leave me with the same uneasiness.

Proving a Point

I'd like to say my prowess with a 9mm back in the day was a result of my natural marksman skills, but it was not. It was the result of one non-commissioned officer, my Lady Wesson, weekends at the Ramstein Rod and Gun club, and a desire to prove a point. That was not the first time I felt I had to prove a point, nor was it the last.

I was treated differently because of my gender and that was the last thing I wanted. Is that what this uneasiness is all about? Or is it because women's networks do not belong in the workplace?

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Women's Networks in the Workplace

Lisa Rosendahl