Can A Leader Recover From Even the Most Reactive Comments?

The family went to dinner last week and ran into a previous supervisor of mine. We exchanged pleasantries, updated each other on family happenings (many grandchildren for him, Bill's heart surgery for us) and had a nice conversation.

Whenever I think of this one supervisor, I always come back to a meeting a few years back. In an unguarded, very frustrating moment, he let loose with a reactive, in-your-face, less than 20 word comment about his management team. I was part of his management team and we were all in the room.

The comment was a suck-the-air-out-of-the-room-did-I-say-that-out-loud kind of comment. It was an I-do- not-have-to-take-this-I-am-quitting-on-Monday-drive-home-through-the-tears kind of comment. I didn't quit on Monday and, after some (healing) time, realized that I had forgotten whose sandbox I was playing in. I was doing what I thought needed to be done and not what my boss wanted me to do. 

Life went on, I eventually left the company and we run into each other periodically. We always have pleasant conversations, yet each and every time I see him, that one meeting comes back to me. In that meeting, he lost some ground with me and I am not sure he will ever completely recover from that in my eyes. (Yes, this is all about me!)

As I move through my day, I have a fear that I will speak something that I am unable to recover from.  Fear may actually be too strong of a word, it is a more of a strong awareness or constant consciousness.  I know that what I say (or not say) and how I choose to say it (or not say it) can impact others either negatively or positively. This awareness causes me stop, think, and breathe - and not talk - when I am upset.

The big question for me now is, am I not saying what needs to be said, when it needs to be said, so that it is heard?

I wonder.

Rethinking Performance and What I Did This Past Week

Of all things HR, performance management is the one thing I think about more than anything. I posted about it here. I watched it here. I read about it here and here. I tweeted about it here:

Reading WSJ article on performance feedback http://tinyurl.com/5faf3v This is where we need to be heading.

Rericson @lisarosendahl totally agree. Doing a lot of "Gen Y" ee work - for my company and for clients. Shifting culture to one of feedback is key.

The votes are in and the answer is clear- shifting culture to one of feedback is key. This is where we need to be headed. We are not there yet.

That cat is out of the bag. For all of my thinking, posting, watching, reading and tweeting, I am not there yet myself, or with my own staff. Of all the things I do and of all the people I interact with each day, I  devote the least amount of time performance management. After each midterm and annual review I vow to do this differently, yet I never am able to get to it.

I made the time to get to it this week. I set up recurring 30 minute monthly meetings with each person in my department. To start with, we will review program goals/performance measures; discuss what is going well, what is not going well and what we can do about it; and talk about how I can help. I am challenging myself to make, seek out, or create the time between meetings to keep the conversations going.

Will this be of value to anyone but me? It simply has to be.